A friend. A friend was telling me about a letter she wrote. It was her fingers typing the words, but it was Yahweh's own speech. I decided to give it a go myself. Not necessarily closing my eyes, because I'm not much of a typer so I have to look at my fingers when I press the buttons. Well that and my middle finger is broken (hold the laughter), so this must be God's own words flowing through my 9 fingers, this must be His voice saying,
"Kelsey,
I am beyond proud of you. So thankful that you look to me. So happy that you even pray to me, but beloved, I only wished you did more. But still I'm proud for the thought. For the promise. And still I'm proud of you for trying.
People might not always support you honey, but know that I do. I know that quitting school was hard for you, Kels. I know that the stillness sometimes turns into idleness and I know you're itching to move and to breathe fresher air-I feel your apprehension love, and I want that from you! I want to take it away and replace it with peace and patience to live and breathe and love so well where you are. Because I've got you were you are for purpose; for reason. You may not see it now, and honestly it's not my intention for you to. I know you so well to know that you would disect it and over-analyze it, so just rest in me and TRUST me. I know what I'm doing because I created you, remember? I know that Adam kind of screwed everything up for everyone, but I'm proud of you for wanting. I'm just so very proud of you for trying.
So just go enjoy this earth and go love on all of your brothers and sisters but please don't forget about me, okay? I am longing for you to sit at my feet, every day. You know what the best part of my day is? It's when you open your palms. It's even when you look up at the ceiling of that shackly old mall you work at and just mutter, "Pop". And I know that sometimes you don't always have the physical words for me, but darling...I just wanted to tell you that I know. That I know sometimes you're mad, and I know recently you've been pretty upset and hurting...but know that every ounce of pain that you feel is what I feel with you...times the world. Times a billion. Sometimes I feel like I don't have enough tears to shed, me and Jesus both, but then I remember that as long as you feel pain, so will I.
But be happy! Because Kels, you know this isn't your home. I know that eternity scares you and that's okay because you're mind will change the minute you see me face to face, dear. And I just can't wait for the day my daughter comes home. Frankly, it's been too long. But just hold on a little longer, okay? Because I'm not quite finished with you yet.
So go love. Go dream a little. I'll show up there for you, too. I'm a good Dad like that. I know you love pictures and I've been painting some good one's for you, haven't I? It makes me so happy when I get to talk to you through them. I know it's your favorite thing, so keep watch, and I'll keep painting. I love you. It's hard to even mutter those words, because I'm weeping at the thought of you just hearing them and finally believing them. I missed you so much when you were away, but you're back now, so don't you ever leave me again, because I deserve more than that. I want more than that. Because I admire who you are. I look at you every day, love, and I am pleased...I am a proud.
Love,
Your Proud Papa."
I can't say there are too many times...well times at all, really, when I'm proud of myself. Well besides when I'm having a good "dread day" but even that's out of my control. But hey, atleast He is. Atleast someone in the world is, ya know? It makes today a lot more appealing, and tomorrow way more hopeful.
