Healer.

It's always this hilarious thing when I convince myself of trust. That I trust someone, or most importantly when I convince myself that there is no disconnect when I say that both my head and heart are trusting Pop. I say it's funny because I almost believe myself when I say,

"Yes Father...I do believe You're Healer. God yeah, I know that healing is for me. Yes I understand that you want all of my broken parts so that you can piece them back together-quite literally...I believe."

Well now that was a comical lie as I really didn't trust at all when I answered my friend Liz's questions,

"Kelsey do you believe He's Healer?"

I do believe He's healer.

"Do you think that healing is for you?"

I know that healing is for me.

"Do you believe that He can heal you...that He will heal you?"

Well...sure?

"Can I pray for your broken finger?"

I almost chuckled as I answered with a yes because why would God want to heal an apendage? I mean seriously what's the point when babies are dying and people are hungry...God what's the point of that?!

Some typed out words on pretty well known paper reminded me that God doesn't heal because He can...but rather He does it because He loves us that much. Which naturally poses the question of why those babies aren't being healed and why the numbers of hungry people keep inclining. I came to the ignorant conclusion of my own ingnorance, especially after God decided to show me His power anyway but mostly of course...His love.

As my dear friend was ravishly praying for healing to come-it started to burn. Literally my finger was tingling and I could've easily blamed it on the moment but there was no mistaking the miracle when I took off my bandages and cast to reveal a once immovable and now bendable finger! Friends, I was told it would be a good length of time before I could bend my finger really at all, because of two metal rods sticking out the top and going through almost two different joints. But as I stood there I watched my finger move back and forth with no pain at all. I didn't understand why He would choose this moment and this time because I didn't even have faith that He would. It was definetely not a mumur of,

 "Daughter, your faith has healed you"

...but rather,

"Daugher...I sure do love you...even though you're ignorant as crap!"

Because I suck at trusting...I wish I could have faith like that chick in Mark who seriously had been bleeding her entire life, and honestly it's something I've been trying to learn more of. Remembering how good and sweet He always is. I hear of healing stories from large masses or the one's that take place in different countries, but never in a living room. Never an insignificant finger. Never me.

I think about those wicked awesome healing stories in the bible and naturally stop at Lazereth and how sweet that was and just how big it was. How we still look back at that story thinking of how we could ever doubt His goodness. But I did. Because those babies who die? I know some of them. I have been loved by some of them, and I have tried to do my best to love them back...but no amount of love can save their physical form, but the greatest love can keep them all safe and snuggled up for forever. So those babies that He doesn't physically heal? He does one better by healing their souls...by letting them come be a part of His kingdom a little earlier. Healing them of their physical pain...healing people of there hunger. I'm here to tell you that if my insignificant little finger isn't enough, friends if Lazareth wasn't enough, then you go read about that night in that book you know I'm talking about. You go read of Jesus dying so roughly and so messy on that cross for us, you go remember that. And don't you dare leave yourselves at the thought of the tree, but remember how He freaking ROSE! He straight up told the grave, 'sorry bout cha'. So you go let your heart fester in that love, let your heart be torn up and wrecked by the greatest love you'll ever know from the only Healer that matters...from the only Healer that can save you. That can help you live beyond your flesh that always fails.

I know that God showed up so physically for me that night because of my own diconnect. Partly because I didn't believe that He could do it, but mostly because He loves me. And He'll do it for you, too. Especially you. And now when I'm asked the question,

"Kelsey, do you believe He's Healer?"

I can just respond with the gnarliest story of His unwavering power and unending love. 

And so can you.